Men Under Patriarchy: The Silent Victims

Patriarchy, the rule of the father, is a rigid social hierarchical system that for centuries has fixed unequal roles and created stereotypes for both women and men. Women are often praised for being good mothers, obedient daughters, and respectful wives. In short however, they are glorified for tolerating disrespect. Meanwhile, aggression and dominance are glorified as masculine traits. Men, as a social class under patriarchy, are often villainized as a result. The truth is that these qualities, or patriarchy in general, result in a dehumanization men. Feminism is rightly more focused on women's issues, but men's issues, which stem from the same source, often get overshadowed.

Toxic Masculinity and Men's Mental Health

Is masculinity toxic? Of course not! It is patriarchy which leads to toxic masculinity, a set of attitudes and behaviors expected to be followed by men. Exhibiting aggression, suppressing emotions, and needing to dominate others are considered masculine. If a man refuses or fails to conform, he is shamed and mocked by the society for "not being man enough." A crying man becomes a laughingstock even for his friends because patriarchy teaches that "only girls are emotional and men don't cry", as if men are not human beings. This creates a fear to open up, even with friends. 

Men hardly go to therapists for mental health support due to the fear of being judged as weak. There are reports of wives forcefully taking their husbands to mental health professionals; even then husbands exclaim that "it's no big deal, she is worrying too much." It makes it difficult for the counsellor to understand the client. Moreover, the inability to form strong emotional bonds with other men stands in stark contrast with female friendships which contain the presence of deep emotional intimacy.

Women are more likely to open up with friends and even visit a therapist when experiencing depression, anxiety or other mental health problems. Meanwhile, men are more likely to turn to substance abuse, alcohol and drugs, and even suicide. According to the WHO (2021), 746,000 suicides occurred globally, with 70% being men.

In the world of psychology and medicine, there is a frequent talk of a "male loneliness epidemic"; the impact of loneliness being more severe in men than women. Although, the framing is considered inaccurate by some, as it gives the impression that only men are victims of loneliness, or that the "epidemic" suddenly came into existence for men. A better wording would be "structural or systemic male loneliness", acknowledging the social forces at play. 

The Provider Role

Patriarchy assigns rigid roles to both men and women. While being the nurturer is indeed stressful for women, this does not mean that the provider role imposed on men should be ignored. The idea persists that "he is a man so he must do it." Men are turned into money earning ATMs by society, yet they are not expected to perform basic chores like cooking, sewing, cleaning, or weaving. On dates, the man is expected to pay for the entire food, even if the woman can afford to split the bill. Just like women's worth is judged by beauty, a man's worth is judged by money, rather than by qualities of character. The concept of alimony for women exists within this role. This is not an argument against alimony, but an acknowledgment of its patriarchal roots. Nevertheless, men can also demand alimony, though this is rare for the same patriarchal reasons.

Now, imagine an unemployed person. What did you imagine? Likely a man searching for a job. This shows the internalization of patriarchy. A jobless man is despised by all, seen as failing his fundamental duty. Such behavior creates pressure on men to earn more. This pressure leads to stress and mental health problems, perpetuating the same cycle within patriarchal structures where men must constantly prove themselves to be a man.

Violence Against Men

Violence is often committed by men, but men in fact are both enablers and perpetrators. Sometimes, even women are perpetrators. This is not surprising as they as are human beings too. 

Studies from 2024 to 2025 show that men are victims of emotional and physical abuse in households. In the UK, the 2024 crime survey for England and Wales found that 712,000 men experienced domestic abuse. That is a huge number, larger than expected! A 2025 study revealed that 21% of male survivors do not share their stories with anyone, with figures much higher at 50% in Northern Ireland. In India, 52.4% of married men experienced abuse in rural areas, out of which 6% was physical and 51.6% was emotional.

Men are victims of sexual assault too, yet they often get stigmatized with dismissive attitudes like "a man cannot be sexually assaulted", "men like sex anyway" or "you are weak." Regarding childhood sexual violence, UNICEF reported in 2025 that 410 to 530 million boys and men were victims in childhood. Eurostat data from 2022 showed that in the EU, 10.9 males per 100,000 men were victims of police recorded sexual assault, compared to 64.2 women per 100,000. The number is much smaller but considering huge population of EU, it is still a significant number.

The rape of men during war is heavily under-reported. In the civil war in the Democratic Republic of Congo, there were many such cases against men, as well as all across African conflicts. In the ongoing Ukraine war, sexual assault against men in detentions has been documented. During the Syrian civil war, sexual violence against men and boys was widespread. The horrible Nanjing Massacre contains similar stories.

Feminist Perspective

Some might be here thinking that feminists caused all this. Hopefully, confusions have been cleared by now. Certain women's echo chambers are undoubtedly toxic towards men's issues. Some expect men to spoil women financially, while others mock male loneliness using derogatory terms like "loser epidemic" and claiming it is entirely "self inflicted." These attitudes, however, do not reflect feminism; they come from toxic individuals who use rage bait on social media for attention.

Feminism in fact talks about these issues in a constructive way. Radical feminism, often misunderstood as man hating, includes radical feminists like Shulamith Firestone and Bell Hooks who talked about how patriarchy harms both men and women in different ways. They mentioned the emotional suppression forced upon men in their writings. Talking about men's issues is not anti feminism or against women. In fact, if done in a constructive way, it is pro feminism.

It is also true that the complacent misogynist men and patriarchs blame all problems on women, demanding emotional labor from women, which they love to do in any scenario, while actively promoting toxic attitudes in their echo chambers. This does not mean that actual male victims should be sidelined. Men's issues should be discussed, but in respectful and constructive ways, without decentering women, without hijacking spaces meant for women's spaces and derailing conversations about women's oppression.

Final Thoughts

The purpose of this writing is not to shift the focus away from women's issues. Women suffer more under patriarchy and deserve the most weight in feminist discourse. However, less suffering by men does not equate to irrelevance. Empathy is not a zero sum game after all! Recognizing men's struggles under patriarchy does not diminish women's struggles; rather, it strengthens our collective understanding of how patriarchal systems harm everyone and must be dismantled for the liberation of all.