Who Is More Dangerous: Performative Men or Patriarchal Women?

Patriarchy, the rule of the father, is a social system based on hierarchical structures that grants men more social power over women without any valid reason. This imbalance continues to shape gender relations today, even when it disguises itself as equality. Its origins are widely believed to begin with the commencement of agriculture. Men in power slowly turned it rigid using tools like religion and culture, which was thereafter accepted and carried by women and the society without questioning. Patriarchy reproduces misogyny, which refers to a systematic prejudice against women. It is not surprising that women can be deeply misogynist themselves.

Feminist activism challenges these social structures in different ways. Calling out patriarchy and discussing women's issues is not against men but against the unjust power. Hence, it is worth noting that a man with empathy can be a feminist just like a woman who can be an enabler of patriarchy. Activism and the gender power dynamics manifest in many ways within the society. Sometimes, the activism is merely performative, and sometimes the oppressed class is brainwashed into believing that their oppression is a norm. To understand which manifestation of patriarchy is more insidious, we must examine both its pretenders and its believers.

Performative Men: The Mask Of Feminism

A performative male feminist practices patriarchy privately while wearing the mask of feminism. Their motivations often overlap but can generally be traced to the following:

• Validation seeking: Using feminism as a means of gaining social approval and present themselves favorably in public spaces.

• Ego satisfaction: Positioning themselves as superior to other men to boost their own self image.

• Wanting a submissive partner secretly: Adopting feminist rhetoric outwardly while maintaining traditional expectations in private relationships.

From a Marxist feminist's point of view, capitalism is a patriarchal construct. Billionaire men (and women) may represent performative activism as it excludes the exploitation faced by the female working class.

From a radical feminist's point of view, religious men can be performative. Religion is often seen as a tool to oppress women; religion and feminism cannot coexist in this framework. Liberal feminism is also considered performative because it works within the system. A few go to extremes, arguing that a  male feminist is an oxymoron.

While these interpretations differ, they all point to one truth: performative men maintain the very hierarchies they claim to oppose.

Patriarchal Women

As stated previously, women can be patriarchal and deeply misogynist. This is a result of social conditioning and the environment around them. Their psychology is manufactured by family members and the patriarchs in particular which becomes a powerful mechanism for preserving patriarchal norms across generations. They adopt attitudes like “women should cook”, “women should get married early”, and “a man's job is to earn.” Their existence, henceforth, revolves around male validation and patriarchal norms. To understand this cycle of reproduction, we must look at how societal behavior is learned and reinforced.  

Understanding Social Conditioning

Social conditioning refers to a process where individuals internalize norms, values, and behaviors of society to fit into the society via classical conditioning and operant conditioning.

Classical conditioning is a type of learning where an automatic, involuntary response to a natural stimulus becomes associated with a new, previously neutral stimulus. This concept was given through the dog experiment of psychologist Ivan Pavlov. A dog was conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, which was a neutral stimulus, by pairing the bell with food, the unconditioned stimulus. Over time, the dog began to salivate at the sound of the bell alone, which then became a conditioned response. 

Operant conditioning is a learning method where behaviors are modified by their consequences, a process popularized by B.F. Skinner.

These processes result in the reinforcement of behaviors and values, leading to gradual internalization. For a girl, brought up in a strictly patriarchal household, who grows up seeing only women working in the kitchen, might interpret it as her natural duty to cook for the family and also consider physical punishment to be an appropriate response on refusal. It is no surprise that women in the Indian subcontinent used to consider the “Sati Pratha”, the burning of a widow on the funeral pyre with the corpse of her husband, to be normal from a religious perspective.

Who Is Truly More Dangerous?

So who is more dangerous? Performative men or patriarchal women? There is not a single yes or no as the answer. It depends on individual experiences and opinions. Here are some insights to consider:

• Institutional power dynamics: In patriarchal systems, men are often taken more seriously even by feminists due to biases, so performative men can slow down progress by occupying spaces meant for genuine change while maintaining oppressive structures. This also results in a loss of trust towards other men.

• Localized but significant impact: Patriarchal and misogynist women shame girls for short dresses and indulge in victim-blaming attitudes; the impact is often local but can be frustrating and harmful for the girls facing them.

• Avoiding oversimplifications: Oversimplifications like claiming all religious men carry patriarchy should be avoided, as the definition of religion exists like a spectrum, ranging from personal faith to a social institution.

• Understanding rather than labeling: Avoid calling patriarchal women “pick me.” They are made to believe that they need male approval and validation, not encouraged towards independent thinking. Their behavior stems from conditioning rather than conscious choice. Compassion must accompany critique, otherwise, we reproduce the same rigidity we aim to dismantle.

Final Thoughts

Both performative men and patriarchal women perpetuate patriarchy differently, but understanding how helps identify the roots of resistance. Focus on what brings meaningful change and reject what does not. Consciousness is important regarding individuals, but revolution comes from change within, not by blaming. True progress lies not in blaming individuals but in dismantling the social machinery (patriarchy) that produces both performative activism and internalized oppression.